Self-Forgiveness 2

Part III Self-Forgiveness Process - Long Version

Chapters 3 through 6

This has been written as if there were a guide present. To use this on your own, you must act as both Guide and Forgiver. These are two functions, they do not have to be two people. It became too confusing writing parts of this without referring to these two functions separately, as if it involved two people. If you have a helper, let them be the guide. If you have no helper, you must put yourself into both roles as you go through the process. It can be done.

Chapter 3 - Step 1. Understanding the Definition of Forgiveness

GUIDE, REMIND THE FORGIVER THAT:

The Self-forgiveness process can also be seen as the process of (i) reconnecting with the best in you, (ii) invoking the best in you, (iii) becoming the best in you, (iv) expressing the best in you. It is truly the act of becoming one's Self. Your willingness to invoke your Self and to receive Its gifts is all that counts.

The personality can and must initiate the process by choosing and willing it, but the Higher Self is the source of the qualities and energies needed. Our emotional and intellectual parts do not seem able to forgive completely without bringing in the energies from spiritual or transpersonal level of our consciousness. Forgiveness involves our total being. It is also very much easier and lighter if you adopt the mind-set of looking for the errors in your mind in order to self-correct with joy!

THE FORGIVER should speak the process aloud and the GUIDE can write out the key personal parts, or, if alone, the FORGIVER should speak and write it out to bring it into the body. It can be helpful for those who grew up with a different language than English to also put the whole process back into their natural language. This can have profound effects. Compare the two to find out which works best for you.

Here is a flow-chart of the steps in the process:

Chapter 4 - Step 2. Mobilizing the Will

WEIGHING UP YOUR VALUES, THE BENEFITS OF FORGIVENESS AND THE BURDENS OF THE CONTINUED UNFORGIVING STATE.

GUIDE, ask the FORGIVER to be seated, on the ground or a chair.
 

GUIDE: " Identify with the personal self, and the qualities of choice and will, of being responsible for, and in charge of, your life. Become aware of your values , and the purpose of this activity. Which of the following best fits your motivation? Speak them out and ask yourself if you are blocked to any of them. Notice how you feel as you say each one. Find the one(s) which best express your reason for doing this, or create a values statement of your own which does it in the best way for you".

FORGIVER, say or write:

WEIGHING BENEFITS AND BURDENS:

FORGIVER SAY OR WRITE:

Then look at your lists. You do have a choice - between benefits and burdens. Which do you want? If you really want the benefits the Self-forgiveness process could bring, then you are ready to go on to Step Three, below.
 

Chapter 5 - Step 3. Choice and Decision

FORGIVER, SAY OR WRITE:

Chapter 6 - Step 4. Request to the Higher Self

GUIDE: "Now you can "look up" in your mind's eye towards the Higher Self, the Naphsha, Deep Self, Soul, Wise Person Within, Transpersonal Self, or True Self (use the words with which you are most comfortable). Address your Higher Self asking for help with whatever it is that you feel badly about".

FORGIVER:

The first time you do this you may have quite a long list. Over the years we can accumulate quite a lot of residue! Give it the time it deserves, therefore, if you wish to give yourself the best outcome. I spent seven hours doing a major cleaning of my emotional and mental "household" in this way and I felt a great relief when it was completed. This is probably less than the amount of time your car receives when being serviced in any one year.

It is quite legitimate to process only one or two "hot" items at a sitting. However if you are willing to make the time and effort, I would recommend doing a complete job of self-forgiveness.

If you decide to to the complete job, then specify ALL the errors-in-the-mind or in behavior for which you are seeking help and forgiveness. It is usual to list first the ones you already know about. Then go on to check from the list of occasions for self-forgiveness, below, if you are having difficulty in "seeing" some of the less obvious areas for self-forgiveness that are so much needed nowadays. This list is made up of items which other people have found to be important to them. Using it may jog your memory and enable you to do a more complete housecleaning of your emotions and mind than otherwise would be the case if you waited for items to come up bit by bit over many years and processed them piecemeal.

Situations that may need you to apply the Self-forgiveness process

Some of these may indeed be past actions that we recognize we still feel bad about, for example breaking the criminal laws (theft, rape, murder, violence, etc.) Even though not illegal, some people still feel deep regret about certain actions they have done or not done (e.g. abortions they or their partners have undergone, or neglecting important obligations).

But much more often, the conditions in the mind that are blocking the flow of love are patterns of belief, ways of thinking. They will nearly all have arisen at times when our needs were not met, and we reflexively did the best we could under the circumstances and with the background and equipment that we had then. Just as when we look at others through the perspective of the Forgiveness of Others Process, in this process we begin to see beneath our negative ways of thinking, feeling and acting our own cries for love

The following list has helped others to see where self-forgiveness is needed.

Continuing old patterns that hold you back from our potential - specify what yours has been:-

Self-hatred, Belittling yourself.

Overachieving, Over ambition, or sacrificing others to your ambitions and wants.

For not meeting your own needs harmlessly.

 Depressing yourself Pessimism Joylessness

Comparing yourself with others unfavorably

Grieving longer than was necessary over loss

Not grieving - suppressing your feelings

Sabotaging yourself

Feeling false guilt

Self-pity

For times when self-pity led you into helpless paralysis; for not meeting your own needs

Believing that you were the victim of others and powerless to make choices or changes

Criticizing yourself for NOT BEING PERFECT! ("If criticism worked we'd all be perfect!")

Going against your values, perhaps submitting to the will of others to do so

 Dishonesty

Intolerance Arrogance Lack of large enough perspective

Procrastination For wasting time

Causing harm by overindulging in:

Excess of food, or too little food Alcohol Drugs Smoking

Gambling Work Sex, etc.

Abusing yourself, physically, emotionally, or mentally Abusing others

For believing that all others are untrustworthy (or some other negative attribute) etc., because in our past one person (or some people) broke your trust

  For not taking responsibility For taking too much responsibility

Over- or  Under-valuing yourself (Its just as wet either side of the bridge!)

 Over- or under-risking. (ditto)

Withholding love or appreciation when it could have been given

Rejecting other peoples' love, carelessly

Harboring thoughts that were harmful to your self or others (Attack thoughts), eg.

Irritability, short fuse, Impatience Criticism Revenge

 Death-wish on self Illness-wish on self

Wanting others dead or ill

For not making a conscious choice about having children

 Believing what others (parents, teachers, peer group) programd you with, e.g. believing that you are

   Weak   Dirty    Bad    Blemished in some way.

Ugly Unworthy Unlovable

A sinner Incompetent Less intelligent or capable than you really are

Have no right to be here Should feel ashamed

Believing that you must be punished for your "sins", and for creating such punishments by:

   Illness  Unhappy relationships

Staying in a bad situation that was unhealthy for you when you could have left or created something better

  Not accepting and responding positively to the opportunities life offered you

 For any other times when you failed to maintain a loving attitude towards

Yourself Others, or The Source of Life. Can you think of anything else?

Especially note that:

   CRITICIZING yourself DEPRESSING yourself SABOTAGING yourself for doing any of these

ARE ALL "MISSING THE MARK" and the effects caused by these problems can only be relieved by full and complete forgiveness.

Only the Higher Self part of your consciousness can cancel the conditions in your mind that led to the diminished vitality and love-flow, which are inevitable consequences of patterns like the above. You can experience the different qualities of energy at the different levels of consciousness during the Forgiveness processes.

Add any other core beliefs of items that you think could be important for yourself here, for example, any negative beliefs about the nature of:

Yourself - "I am ....................................."

Others - "So-and-so is .........................."

Men - "Men are ....................................."

Women - "Women are ........................."

Families - "Families are ........................"

Children - "Children are ........................"

Relationships - "Relationships are ........"

The nature of sex - "Sex is ..................."

Money - " Money is ..............................."

Time - "Time ........................................."

Life - "Life is .........................................."

God - "God is ......................................."

The World - "The world is ...................."

Authority - "Authority is ........................."

Teachers - "Teachers are ....................."

Parenting - "Parenting is ......................"

Responsibility - "Responsibility is ..................."

Religion - "Religion is ......................."

Others?

Your list is likely to include ways of thinking as well as ways of behaving. You can do this very completely all at once, or over several days.

Write, or your guide can write, what these are, leaving a space between each. I usually find that it is best if no more than three items are put on any one page.

THE HUMAN ENERGY FIELDS

are becoming "visible" through Kirlian photography and electromagnetic measurements. These demonstrate how your energy field is altered by thoughts, emotions, nutritional and environmental factors, and by the way you choose your goals and attitudes. It is hypothesised in this Forgiveness material that a "negative" mind-set or attitude towards yourself, others, or life itself diminishes your life energy by simultaneously cutting you off from the energy (healing, love and joy) of the Higher Self. "Negative" means "minus", or subtraction.
 

Continue to next section: Part III - Self-Forgiveness - Self 3

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Last updated: 08/15/08