Dr. Pettitt's Forgiveness Process
The Process of Forgiveness
Extended Web Version
Our sincere thanks to Dr. Guy Pettitt for his kind and generous permission to use the material he developed on Forgiveness. We encourage you to take a look at his books, which may currently be downloaded in .pdf from this site. Follow this link for information on the books:
WELCOME! THE PURPOSE OF THIS MATERIAL IS:
To disseminate information about a step by step Process of Forgiveness of Others and Self. It is experimental. I am trying to find out if people who do not live close to trained forgiveness teachers and guides can learn this process without having to visit a therapist trained in this method or attend a forgiveness seminar.
Going through the process, or taking others through the process, has been a profound and worthwhile experience for me and for many others. The question arises - can people derive the benefits of this process without anyone physically present to guide them through it?
The Forgiveness Processes offered here builds on the pioneering work of Dr Edith Stauffer PhD, author of the book "Unconditional Love and Forgiveness" (1987), whom I first met in 1980, and I want to pay tribute to her here. She has been a most important teacher for me in my own life. Her pioneering work in the area of forgiveness deserves much greater recognition, and I am ever-grateful I came upon it. The material posted here includes some additional steps or modifications which I have found valuable in my medical and psycho-spiritual counseling practice in New Zealand conditions. These steps were developed to find ways around some of the obstacles which people sometimes encountered using the earlier versions of the process - some of the steps were suggested by patients, students, or clients of mine.
This website also includes ideas derived from others, notably Dr. Roberto Assagioli, who founded psychosynthesis, Dan MacDougald, who brought to Edith Stauffer's attention the Aramaic Code of Conduct (the Patterns of Goodwill, Good Attitudes, or Beatitudes), Pierro Ferrucci, Michal Eastcott, Dr. Robert Leichtmann, Carl Japikse, Dr. Scott Peck,Torkom Saraydarian, Walter Polt, Vivian King, Dr. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, Dr. Milton Erickson, Virginia Satir. I would like to say how grateful I am to all of these people who have been my teachers through their writings or in person.
Different cultures and circumstances may require modification to the wording, (indeed one of my patients carried out the process using drawings which symbolized the steps to her) but I believe that the principles of the process are fully known to us now and are all included here. I think you will find all of the pieces of the forgiveness jig-saw puzzle here.
A person going carefully through each of the steps outlined here stands to gain several benefits. In addition to the benefits of forgiveness, such as relief from the toxic effects of unhealed emotional pain, resentment, grudge, etc., they can experience many of the principles of Psychosynthesis training, namely:
A. Progressive ability to observe themselves and others more compassionately, and to make wiser, and more conscious choices with respect to any unsatisfying emotional patterns, belief systems, and subpersonality patterns.
B. Progressive ability to know and communicate their own needs in a wiser manner, and to train their Will in wiser and more skillful ways.
C. Progressive ability to make better contact with, and increasingly to identify with, their Higher Self, which is that part of us which is the Source of love, strength, wisdom and creativity within each of us. With this comes the increasing ability to love unconditionally both self and others.
D. Progressive ability to understand and balance the energies of both love and will, and of the feminine and masculine sides of their natures, within themselves, and then to use both of these primary life energies with greater skill, to become both nurturing and strong at the same time.
E. An increased sense of wholeness, and very often, deep healing. This healing may include improvements in physical functioning of the body, healing of the emotions, healing of the mind and its belief-systems, and healing in relationships.
F. I have also noticed that as a person completes their whole forgiveness agenda, they often spontaneously find (or recover) their sense of Life Purpose and ability to give of their talents to the community in which they live, to become "for-giving" in a new and deeper sense. People who have completed their forgiveness agenda, in my observation, have become more able to have satisfying relationships and to be active in society in a way that is nurturing of themselves and the planet as a whole.
I offer this process to the wider community via the Internet with the intention of helping more people to self-heal their pain and then move on in life with increased skills in the area of Unconditional Love, Conscious Loving Relationship and Communication, free from the unconscious patterns caused by the memory traces of past hurts.
DISCLAIMER: Please note that the information on this website does not make any claims. It is respectfully offered to you to explore, in the hope and with the intention that exploring this material will be educational and helpful to you. It makes no claims to be a treatment for any particular illness, mental, emotional, psychological or physical, and readers should always consult their physicians or other appropriate health advisers if necessary. If any aspect of the material appears culturally insensitive to any person or group, that is not intended and I would ask to be informed how to remedy any instances of that as soon as possible.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: As far as possible, the sources from which I have learned or quoted have been acknowledged in the text. My sources are also listed in the References and Further Resources list so you can search out the full writings of the various authors for yourself. If you download any of the text, as I imagine you may well need to in order to use it, and later use any of the material ascribed to these authors with others, please give acknowledgement of the source so people can always purchase the original books if they want to go deeper. I hope this will disseminate the contributions of these wonderful people more widely.
Forgiveness, Unconditional Love, Psychosynthesis, Healing, Personal Growth, Medicine, Psychology, Psychotherapy, Spirituality, Religion, New Age, Meditation, Goodwill, Right Human Relationships
I wish you well with this program. If you do all the exercises in it, it will take you time and effort, and the rewards could be great.
If you find this forgiveness process useful, and you feel motivated to do so, please consider expressing your gratitude by sending an anonymous donation or letter of gratitude to any person or organization that is working to create right human relationships.
Please let your suggestions for how it could be improved and made more useful to you be known (the address is below).
The most important step in the forgiveness process is deciding to do it. Any time when there is pain, tension, or disease, physically, emotionally, mentally, or in relationships, the application of the forgiveness process and restoration of the flow of love can produce benefits. The second most important step is deciding to complete it, whether it is just one process or your whole forgiveness agenda.
Many people feel overwhelmed at first, but as they learn it step by step, they get quicker at it. After a few faltering steps, children learn to walk. If you are reading this, you learned the letters of the alphabet, and how they form words and sentences. It seemed impossible at first, now you do it easily.
Deep down we all value love more than hate (blocked love). We know we have to master the practice of love - independently of external conditions, independently of the past or present behavior of others, if we are to reach our best potential as human beings.
We know it is our responsibility to do this in the area and times where we find ourselves. It is unlikely that there is anything in this material that you did not already know, deep down inside you. My trust is that the material, combined with any follow-up group work that you will do, will enable you to bring the truth which you already knew out into the world of everyday, ordinary practical living.
You can click on any of the articles or steps on the NAVIGATION PAGE. At the end of each article or Step you will be able to click on the next one in the Program, or return. There are specific things to do as you study and use each one. You will get the most out of the whole program if you do them experientially. There are several cross-links between articles or Steps if this seemed appropriate. Thus you can work your way through this material in sequence, or in any order you choose. You may want to download various pages into your computer for later reference or even printing out on paper. Put together they would form a Forgiveness Manual similar to the one provided for students in Forgiveness Seminars. The people who inspired this work are all acknowledged in the text, and I trust that if you use this material with others you, too, will acknowledge them. Their gift to us all has been great.
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